Midwest Knit Girl

It Crawled Up The Screen

Posted on: June 6, 2009

Last Sunday night I couldn’t sleep, so rather than disturb the hubster I went out to the living room to sleep on the couch. Around 3 am I woke up to hear the neighborhood horny cats caterwauling, so I closed the windows in the living room and went downstairs to the basement and settled in on the couch down there. Just before doing that I closed the basement window that I had had open earlier for some fresh air because it seemed to be getting windy, and I thought it might rain.

Anyway, I was just dozing off when I heard a rustling sound. Or thought I did. I froze. Now, there are no pets or children in our house and the hubster was soundly sleeping in the bedroom, so what was the noise? I decided I must have been dreaming so snuggled down again. There it goes again. I’m freaking out because you know what I just recalled? A few days before this happened I had to put tape on the bottom edge of the screen in the window because I noticed it was ripped (this was the first time this year we had opened the basement windows). Naturally, my brain has flipped into overdrive and I’m imagining all sorts of critters that may have gotten in before I shut the window. Let me tell you I was off that couch like a bat out of hell in about 2 seconds flat. Just so’s ya know? I’m not a small person, but that mattered not, I was up those stairs so fast I’m not sure I even touched all of them.

At the top I turned on the stair lights and peeked down the stairs. I saw nothing. Then I heard the noise again. Holy hanna banana, I flew into the bedroom and made sure I shut the door and because I didn’t want to wake up the hubster, I decided to sleep on the floor (lucky for me it’s carpeted but I don’t think I would have cared as long as I was in the bedroom and the door kept out the THING). I tossed, I turned, I kept wondering what it was. Clearly it was SOMETHING. Just didn’t know WHAT. Eventually, I fell asleep.

About 6:30 I woke up and decided to brave going out into the rest of the house. After all, it was daylight so nothing is going to happen, right? I decide to check the basement later once the hubster was up. It takes two, you know.

I get the paper from outside, open the sliding door for some fresh air, make some coffee and sit down to read on the love seat. The angle of the love seat prevents me from seeing the left hand side of the sliding doors in the dining room. After two cups of coffee I need to pee. I get up to go to the bathroom which means I will now be able to view anything that might be near the sliding doors because I have to pass the dining room and the sliding doors.

Holy crap. Four feet up on the screen door of the sliders is a freakin mouse!! I nearly peed right there. At first I couldn’t tell if it was inside or outside, but of course based on what has just transpired over the last however many hours, I knew it had to be inside. But I tried to sneak up to it anyway. My intent was to close the inside glass door, go outside, open the screen door and the mouse could go off and do its mousely things. FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT BE SQUEAMISH ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS, YOU ARE FOREWARNED TO SKIP THE REST OF THE STORY.

I pulled the inside door shut as fast as I could. The door weighs a ton so it was harder than you might think, especially when I’m half bent over to do so because as you know, that mouse could beat me up if I get too close. Anyway, I look down after doing that and all I see is the butt of the mouse between the door and the doorjamb, not even the tail is showing. The mouse must have dropped as soon as I started shutting the door. I’m freaking out because I’m not seeing any blood. Does that mean it’s ALIVE and it’s going to pop out from there? What the hell? I go outside and I don’t see any part of the mouse there. Oh man, now what?

Hubster (after listening to the slamming and opening of doors): “What’s happening?”

MWKG: “Um, I think I killed a mouse. It’s between the sliding door and the doorjamb.”

Hubster: “Oh. Well, wait a while to make sure it’s dead, then take a pliers, pick it up and throw it away.”

MWKG: “Are you f*****g kidding me? I’ll use the loppers.”

Hubster: “Then you’ll just chop it in half.”

MWKG (all grossed out): “I can’t do it, you’ll have to do it when you get up.”

Hubster: “Ok.”

MWKG (1 minute later): “When are you getting up?”

Hubster: “Couple hours or so.”

MWKG: Big sigh.

For the next two hours I waited on the couch which is directly across from the dining room so I could watch the butt of the mouse and make sure it was truly dead. Honestly, I didn’t move. I didn’t even watch TV. I had a book but didn’t read much of it. I thought sure it would miraculously back out of there and start torturing me again.

When the hubster FINALLY got up, he got a pliers, went outside, opened the screen door, opened the glass door and plucked that dead, squished, not bloody mouse right out of the door jamb. Then threw it away.

The basement/casement window screen now has a triple layer of duct tape on the outside AND the inside of it. We’ll be getting it replaced very, very soon. Believe me. Until then? No fresh air allowed. No way. No how.

Yes. I’m aware I’m a total chicken.

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2 Responses to "It Crawled Up The Screen"

I have to admit my sympathies are 100% with you and 50% with the mouse. I’m sorry your plan to let it out alive didn’t work.

I know they freak lots of folks out(including some big, bad, bruiser type hubsters), but they really don’t affect me that way, although I’d certainly prefer they stay out of my home.

BAHAHAHA!! I can picture that whole episode! You need your very own Abby; then that won’t happen!

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Down, Stella!

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