Posted May 12, 2011on:
Over the last nearly five months since Christmas I have often had a subject for a post run through my head that I felt my blogger friends might be interested in but only put out two of them. As far as others I never did anything about them beyond writing the whole thing – in my head – around 2 a.m. during a restless night of sleeping. So then the next day, poof, it’s done so no need to do an actual post.
But you know what? I really miss blogging and I really, truly miss the comradery that exists between bloggers (and their followers, actually). Yes, I do a monthly post for Stella but that’s not the same as doing one for me and those I care about. I’ve even slacked off on checking on my favorite blogs Kitten With A Whiplash and One Little Acorn. And those two particular people have become very good friends over the course of the last few years and I so enjoy reading their blogs; so let it be known that I’m giving myself ten lashes with a wet noodle for being so uninvolved and note that I vow to become involved once again, starting now.
So what the devil have I been up to? Well, one thing I became involved with since December are online dating services. I know, I know it seems kind of weird or scary or whatever. But my intention at first was simply to see what it was all about; I had zero intention of going out with anyone much less communicating with them. Let me tell you, I discovered that there truly are some creepos out there. One site was so icky I quickly closed that account and opened another one elsewhere. That one cost me money though, so after thinking that through (rather slowly, obviously, since I was on there two months, I had decided that I wanted to start communicating because why not, can’t hurt to talk) but I quit that one also.
Let’s just get one thing straight right now that I discovered or perhaps had confirmed while using these sites. Men are fickle. Don’t let anyone tell you that women are the fickle ones, it’s the guys. I would begin communicating with someone and let them know that although they seem interesting enough, that I’d like to communicate via email for a while before actually meeting them in person (in my head I’m screaming “Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!” ). I can’t recall if it was two or three times that this happened but they stopped communicating with me after that note. Why?? Heck if I know. If anyone shouldn’t be pushed too fast if you want a relationship to work out it’s women. Fickle, stupid men.
Clearly, those guys weren’t for me. Or perhaps I should say I wasn’t the right gal for them. Then I decided to go on a coffee date with someone after exchanging a few emails, he seemed pleasant enough with a good sense of humor and all that jazz. This was back in early February. We met up and I felt instantly it wasn’t going to work, I felt zero physical attraction. But later when I started to tell him in an email that I wasn’t interested in seeing him again I thought it would only be fair to try again because I wondered to myself, “Is two hours really enough time to know if there’s a connection or not?” I decided it might not be so I agreed to a second date.
Two hours was definitely enough. The second date was, well, let’s just say it was a very long evening. Perfectly acceptable human being but it occurred to me that he reminded me of my birth father. He wasn’t his age but there were just some personality traits that reminded me of R (which are fine and dandy, mind you) which means I would always be thinking of R with this person and as I don’t want to date my father, well, that ended that relationship.
Then the oddest thing happened a day or so later. I felt as though I’d cheated on Frank who had passed away nearly a year earlier. So after speaking with two of my best friends we determined that it meant one of two things or perhaps both, actually. One, I must not be ready for a relationship and or two, that particular man wasn’t right for me. Well, I knew number two was definitely it but I wasn’t buying into number one 100% yet. So I put my account on hold for a couple of weeks to think things over.
When I returned to the site the first week in March to check emails and clean up messages I discovered someone’s profile had been submitted to my mailbox (actually, the site is called OkCupid and they put matches into your ‘quiver’ that you decide to acknowledge or delete). What was odd is that technically speaking it shouldn’t have landed there based on the % of a match it put us at. The match was 54%, yeah, you read that right, 54%. What the heck?
So what did I do? I read his profile – and wow, was it LONG – and decided to send him a message because if nothing else, I could see he had one hell of a sense of humor (sarcastic as all get out) so I sensed I could say pretty much anything and not offend him. Well, I believe I started out with something like “Look how stupid Cupid is putting your profile into my quiver – be careful responding to that!”
Well, he responded (‘he’ having the name Kelvin, check the definition, interesting name), I replied back and as they say, the rest is history.
Yes, we’re a couple. Gulp. Still getting used to that but enjoying it so much I can hardly explain it. He’s really good for me in many ways and I think we’re onto something pretty darn fabulous. I still think of Frank now and again, naturally, as we were together 15 years before he passed away. So he pops up now and again in my head and I think that’s okay.
See, Frank told me not long before he died that he wouldn’t want me to be alone the rest of my life, that I should continue to enjoy life and to do that with someone else. He didn’t want me to dwell on what I’d lost with him, rather, remember what was so good about it and move forward. So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve begun to move forward to create my new ‘normal’. With Kelvin.